APRIL 15, 2007 While I sit here

While I sit here thinking about what I will say. I think I should still continue to go from the past to present. I got married when I was 15 years of age . Did not have to and I think my parents should have locked me up. I spent better than half of my young married life in turmoil. Tears ran frequently. We were always short on money and my husband really did not know what love was. He was not given much of it in his youth so he had the curse passed on to him. He was very handsome as a young man but the temper he had was very unbecoming. We split up I think 3 times that I remember. Each time I was told he did not love me and never has. I was a little stupid and took him back. As the abuse became worse to me and more fiscal against my son especially; I became afraid to leave.

We went from things being thrown at me to a man that could stop spanking the kids.Verbally throwing language out there that was not appropriate. When the guns came into play I knew that when I could I would leave. Although I stayed much longer than I should have we continued to grow more and more apart. He finally had an affair. Maybe I pushed him to that but this became his idea and my way out. I momentarily was sad but the odd thing I survived and found out that I was still an attractive women and there are people that would appreciate my love and my children. My children were 13,16,17years of age when we split. I know it has been tough for the kids through relationships they have had but I believe they have grown into wonderful and exceptional parents.

I found a wonderful man my Tim. He stood beside me and went up and down with raising teens. We all know that is not easy. But he never once said he regreted it . He just said he loved me and loved my children. Here we are almost 22 years together now. He is my rock and my best friend.

I just have to say if anyone is being abused I can relate how you feel. Now looking back I lived in a bubble. I always made excuses for him. I did not know what to do. Looking back in I get sick thinking about it. I just hope my children now can understand that I was so young. I did not have the tools to work with that everyone today has. But I love them and no one can go backwards. Hopefully all of us have learned by these tragic circumstances and the impact this has made.


A little poem:

I Wonder

Yes I wonder sometimes about you
The things you like the things you do

But that is not our life you see
Theres no more you and no moe me

The pain it remains to remind my heart
The day you left and tore us apart

But I have survived and live a wonderful life
With someone who appreciates a loving wife

Grim reminders soon fade away
And love engulfs me forever to stay

Yes there are days that you pass my mind
But no more do I need to be treated unkind

Faces fade in times kind hands
No more word and no more demands