5/30/07 My First Born

If you have had children you know how exciting it is to wait for your first. The one you have dreamed about,the one who you have planned for and imagined what they would look like.



I was a very young mother(not quite 18) but I wanted a baby, My prayers were answered March of 1968.
God gave me a little baby girl. She had a bump on her head ,lots of hair and because there were problems in the delivery and she was a forceps baby so she had a swollen face. I was sick all 9 months. I could not stand the smell of anything.But I loved McDonalds hamburgers. I woke every morning and ran to get fast food (reg hamburger with extra ketchup and mustard.)
Do not ask why but most of the time it assisted in helping morning sickness.

She came out screaming and the doctor said she had a great set of lungs. She was independent from day one. She did not like to be confined in anything. She hated the play pen, the stroller and high chair. So going out with her was a shore. She screamed bloody murder. She needed to be entertained all the time. She would not even take naps without me. Days and nights were mixed up. But all through all of this she grew up and turned into a wonderful ,independent, creative individual. I knew she would because of the strength she showed as a young person.
She puts on a tough exterior but she is my girl. My Shawny-what a beautiful person. She is my daughter and my friend and how lucky I am God gave her to me.
She married a wonderful guy Chris. They have been married for 20 years. They both know what they want and go for it. I wish I had more time with her but they have a family of their own. Two great boys (twins). Mathew and Jakob.
She is active with what they do and anything she can sign them up for. She is a strict parent but she is fair.
I am so proud of her. Not only what she will yet be but what she has become thru the years. She is a generous loving person . I love you daughter. You have been blessed. You are my hero.


Poem: A Daughter

My daughter is my reflection
How I love her from the time of inception

So small and tiny and she is looking at me
Does she know I love her and that she holds a key

As she looks into my eyes
Will she know the hows and whys

She is my daughter and I love her so
I whisper in her ear to let her know

A life without her just could not be
To my heart she holds the key

I will forever love you....daughter

5/22/07 The year of change

The year of change for me was 2003. I had reached a weight that was beyond reality for me. The doctor told me that if I did not loose the weight I would have a stroke or heart attack within a year. I was on medication for blood pressure,I had sugar issues and I was so swollen all the time. I had no energy and buying clothes that were attractive- FORGET IT. I was 336 pounds. I had spoke to my doctor over the years about the gastric bypass but she was reluctant to advise me, I tried all sorts of diets but I was not lucky.

Finally when things became worse for my health the doctor herself told me I should check out the gastric bypass. She by then had several patients that went thru it and had researched more about it.

So I decided to go for it. I ended up going to a hospital in Fresno California (5.50 hrs away) that specialized in this procedure. It never came to mind that 1 out of 3 people have complications or die. That did not even sink in. So off I went to do this radical procedure .They did it lapriscopically and it tool 2.5 hours for the procedure. I stayed in the hospital only two nights and was released on the 3rd day. I had no pain. I got up that night and walked. I had to be able to walk the hall 10 times up and back before they would release me. I know that part of this exercise was to prevent blood clots.

My first meal consisted of small can of Ensure in 1 oz cup full every 5 minutes. I had jello as well. I was not hungry. They by passed my stomach and intestines.
I spent the weekend in a hotel and my mother and I were taken there by limo. The hospital arranged all of this for us. Talk about being special. I went back to the office on Monday so doctor would release me. I was out of work 4 to 6 weeks. With instructions to walk,walk,walk. Eating was a problem later down the road. Some things I loved I can no longer eat. Either it makes me sick or does not agree with me. The worst things I experienced was throwing up. I do not do that much at all . Sometimes if I do not use my head.
I did not loose much hair like some people. The first 6 months are crucial and you loose most of your weight then. After that you must work at it and watch your eating. Absorbtion is an issue so I take multiple vitamins (Diff kinds) in triplicate.

I know weigh 182 lbs. I lost almost half of me. Those of you who know me are amazed. I am too.

I am 4 years out now . I went from a size 26 to size 14. I do not want to be any smaller. Do I recommend this...well I think I would. You have to be a certain kind of person. I remained positive. Now I do not take any medication. I have excellent cholesterol and no high blood pressure.

This last year I did a tummy tuck and hip-buttom (reduction-lift) 6 hours worth. I had a tough recovery from that but do not plan any other altering procedures. I still stare at myself. I have come along way.


Poem: TYPING

Typing is a great big bore

When I think I am done they give me more

One page, two,and even five

Don't they think that I am alive

Sores and blisters on my hands

But they still make more demands

I close my eyes - No it's no dream

One more line and I will scream

5/18/07 My Brother

My brothers name is Erik. He is six (6) years younger than I am. I was pretty tough on him when we were young as I did not want a brother. When my mother went to the hospital to have him my parents gave me a little dress and shoes to put in my closet and being little I took that as a promise for a sister. Well guess what.

I cried for three days and I still remember the feelings I had. My heart was broken. AS he grew up I did anything I could so he would fall or hurt himself. When I would leave for school in the mornings he would smile and wave like crazy. And me; well you can imagine. I stood there and stuck my tounge out and made faces. He would start to cry and I would laugh. EVIL I was.

We were not real close and I think it was the age difference. I left home early on and he grew up without me. Maybe that was a good thing. But, now we have a relationship. We are both older,have families and are both married to wonderful people. He gives me a bad time of all the things I did. I was so jealous.

He is a wonderful man. Not perfect but a good man. He calls to check on me and mom couple times a week. He has four children. One left to raise yet. Arianna is married, Nick is married, Kaira is going to college and Larisa is still in high school . His wife is an awesome person (Lori). She is kind and loving. I am blessed to have him as a brother and I love him. He lives in Idaho and I do not see him often but I miss him and think of him always.

If you read this brother you are important to me and I am sorry for all the faces I made at you.
Kisses to you.


Poem: New Life

You have given me a new life and hope that I can look forward to

I have picked myself up and turned my head and it is all because of you

The gift of love you've given me its worth more than all the gold

The future together is wide open and one we both can mold

I am convinced our union came from up above

So take my hand and I'll give to you all my heart and love

5/12/07 My Father

My dad was born In Dobelle Latvia. He came from a family that raised Arabian horses and they owned a large farm.

He left his family when he was 17 years old to go fight the war and become a soldier.

That was the last time his mother,father and siblings saw him . He never returned to his home land.

My father fought all over in Europe. He was a prisoner of war in Italy. He was shot in the temple , stomach and leg and survived. He experienced hunger, pain and loneliness.

He was a huge family man and loved my mother to death. He worshipped the ground she walked on (literally). Even though his health was not the best he found ways to support us.

He was a electrician by trade but for many years worked in the wood industry. He built beautiful furniture, cabinets and custom windows.

Even though he lived in America for a long time. His heart yearned for his family. Latvia became free again in 1991 but by then my fathers health was deteriorating.

He wanted to make a trip to walk on Latvian soil and hug his brother Erik, sisters Ilga and Gaida. There are currently about 18 family members in Latvia and his siblings are still alive. He was the oldest.

He was not there when his parents passed but they kept his memory alive. Even on his mothers death bed the cousins were told not to forget the family in America.

He spoke to them as much as he could and often sent medicines to his brother as it was hard to get good medical care at that time.

Even though he had my mother and me and my brother Erik he was sad inside. My mother did not show much interest in his family when he was alive and I think that really hurt. He saved all the letters and pictures.

My brother and I have turned all that around. We have joined together with the family in Latvia. It is like it has made us complete. We communicate with the family and share picture. My brother Erik has already gone 2 times to Latvia and this will be my 1st.

I know my father will make this journey with me and he knows how much I love his family and this has given me an extended family. I simply adore them.
In the younger days my dad smoked a pipe. I now have all his pipes. Every once and awhile I will be somewhere or just sitting quietly and I will smell cherry tobacco. I get a warm feeling. I know he is near. I miss him ............ He was a great dad and loving grandfather. He passed away from cancer in November 1994.


POEM: Dad

When I have needed he has been there
Running,doing and showing he cares

In the past when I was a little girl
He would fix my little curl

There is nothing bad I can ever say
He is special in every way

When all is lost and seems at an end
He is there to help defend

I love you with all my heart
In my life your always a part

YOU ARE MY DAD

******************************************

5/10/07 I Have Been Tagged

I have been tagged and need to list seven things that you may not know or may find interesting about me.


1. I love to shop for clothes. Ever since I lost all the weight I have become a shopaholic.

2. I like music in other languages and love songs by Andre Bucelli.

3. It does not bother me when things are on the counter but if cupboards are a mess inside it drives me bonkers

4. I give more than I receive and feel good about it

5. I am a loyal and devoted friend and love to have my family around me

6. I never judge by the outside but what is in the inside of ones heart. I chose my aquaintances the same way.

7. I have a desire when I retire to volunteer my time to the elderly or an organization where I can give back all the good things that were given to me in life.



So there you are.

P.S> if you read my blog please leave me comments. I would like to know if you are enjoying it.

5/09/07- My Mother

My mother grew up in Liepaja, Latvia. She had a very good life. Her parents split up when she was a young girl and her grandmother raised her. She has so many memories of her grandmother. When the Russians invaded Latvia my mother was about 10-11 years old. War time took a toll on this beautiful country. She left behind friends and family. She was even separated from her own mother.

Her family were all actors or singer/musicians. It is very exciting to know I will see Latvia in June and meet all my relatives.

My mothers first love was a man named Raymond. She was so in love. But he got TB and my grandmother forbid her to see or marry him. When the war got worse they fled to Germany. Where they lived in DP Camps .

They lived there for 7 years during the German war. She still loved Raymond but got acquainted with my father Edgar.

He wrote her and soon proposed. He was 8 years older and my mother excepted. I do not know if she was in love with my father from the beginning but she loved him through the years.

The torch for Raymond remained and she still talks about him. She heard at some point he never married and became a cartoonist in Germany.

He tried to contact her in America but she had to ask him to stop as she was married and was trying to make a life.

She was the strong influence in the family and a hard working person. Not only thru my fathers illnesses but in the family operation.

It is when my father passed, I realized that my dad was the rock.

My mother depended on him for everything.

She lives with me today. She is a great help to me. She washes the laundry, cooks and loves gardening. Yes I am spoiled.

She is so lonely. Dad has been gone 13 years but it is like yesterday. None of us are able to make her happy. She is my friend and my mom. I lover her so much.

I want to solute her for mothers day and everyday. I admire her strength.

5/3/2007 Just Poems

MOM

Mom you are a guiding light
Like the stars in the night

You are as special as can be
You are all there is for me

You try to set my standards high
You are the one I can rely

If at times I seem unkind
Please do not pay it much to mind

Every day I thank God above
That he gave me you to love




WORK

This is such a funny place
something out of outer space

Full of laughter and of fun
But there are days we wished we had a gun

Scores and faxes and bids galore
wish they would just lock the door

We enjoy our lunches and out tunes
singing sweetly like two loons

I'd never give up this place of employment
Not only does it give satisfaction but sheer enjoyment


1993




I have many tragic poems , love poems and funny poems.



They all came to be in many different parts of my life.



As I share them keep in mind you will sense my pain and my happiness. Hope you are all enjoying my words