April 30,2007- Looking forward

Tim and I have been happily married for almost 21 years. The years have flown and the kids have grown up and they all married. During all those momentous moments I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999. Believe me it was an echo in my ears. I went on a Friday for my mammo and 2 hours later my GP called me and said they found something. I wrote myself off but my husband and my good friend Karen and Liz gave me hope and told me all will not be bad.



They tried to cut it out but could not find the margins. So I asked what my options were. They said we could try again to find the margin or just see what happens. See what happens!!!



I told them to take by breast. It was a good thing as through the biopsy and the samples they found I had an even more radical cancer "Padget's" disease of the nipple. I have never been sorry. I was not depressed or discourages. To me my life was more important.





I was afraid what my husband would think and when they UN-did my bandages Tim was standing in front of me as the doctor removed them. When they were off I looked at him and his expression never changed.


He did not cringe or pull away. He just smiled sweetly and whispered he loved me. To me that is love. I took tamoxifen for two years but I gained 80 lbs from it and swelled like a balloon. They took me off of it.


I have faithfully done my yearly checks and have now been clean for 8 years. I thank God and my family and friends. So many people are not as lucky.

Since then I know of six people with breast cancer and have come out O.K. Only one girl passed at 28 years of age. Too young!!!
My good friend Liz had it too and had both removed.
My friend Joan also was diagnosed.
Please ladies take care of yourselves. It does not wait for sex,race, color or creed. Do your yearly checks.



Poem:

TODAY

Today I wanted to call you
But my mind tells me you’re gone

Today I wanted to tell you
How much you mean to me mom

Today I wanted to tell you
How much you have molded who I am today

Today I wanted to tell you
Bur you’ve gone away

Today I wanted to tell you
How much I love you mom

Today I wanted to tell you
But I realized I was alone

So Today I wanted to tell you
But looked up in the sky

Today I wanted to tell you
I will miss you and goodbye

But no one can take away my memories
That you have given me

And as I look into my heart
There you will always be

April 26,2007 The Wedding

My wedding day was so wonderful. We had planned and budgeted and planned some more. We paid for our own wedding so we had to be smart in finance. We rented a hall above a bowling alley. We made the food all finger foods and the relatives brought it. My mother-in-law and friend Phylis made my dress.

We shopped for the right material and chose a winter white lace. It was so beautiful, Tim rented a tux w/tails. He was so handsome. I think we looked sharp. We had invited 54 guests and the reception followed directly after. Boy was I nervous.

My daughter Shawny did my makeup, my youngest daughter Mica was my Maid of honor and my son did me the honor of dressing up and assisted with tables.. Tims brother Mark was the best man.

We picked out a specific song "The Wedding Song" but things do go wrong and sure enough the minute I started to walk down the isle they played "The Wedding March". Tim raced over to correct it but the man said he was not told and he did not have it.

As I walked closer to Tim and looked over at everyone I began to cry. I had never felt this emotion before. My father walked me down the isle and that was a special moment for me. He placed my hand into Tims. We wrote our own vows and during my part I barely could talk and Tim just rubbed my hands. We just looked at each other . It was like no one else existed.

The funny thing about it after we watched the video we could hear the sound of the bowling that was happening downstairs. My nephew asked us if it was lightening outside that day. We still laugh about that. How many people that you know get married above a bowling alley?
We had dancing and food and cake. Our honey moon was very low budget. We borrowed Phylis and Bobs camper and went camping for 4 days. We had a blast. We took a long walk into the wilderness. No one around-that was pretty romantic!!!!! Just us and nature.
I would not change anything about our special day. While we were gone our family moved us into our new apartment. That is when our lives truly started as a family.



Poem: Love is Forever

Love is forever when hearts are joined as one
Love is forever when things are exciting and fun

But marriage is a foundation of every couples dream
It must be planned and built on lots of love it seams

It takes alot of courage on the part of man and wife
Working hard together building a good life

Loyalty and respect another important part
One of many blocks that create the heart

Join together and build a life that is new
Love is forever-but to make it work it always takes you

April 25,2007 LOVE

Love is a beautiful thing. When you have it just lifts you up. Tim and I are still love bugs. When we were dating he would bring a single rose or send a cute card . Always showed his feelings. The kids thought I had gone crazy. But what they did not realize they had not seen their real mother. When people are surpressed it is hard to be happy.
I had a problem with Tim being younger but really the 6 year difference is nothing and has not been an issue. It was amazing how quickly I was able to trust again and feel. It was just meant to be.

My parents never showed affection openly. I never saw them really hug. My brother and I thrive from having mates that give us hugs and tell us they love us. My mother says it is a sign of insecurity but I say NO.

When Tim proposed he drove us to Seal Beach, Ca. This was a favorite place for us. It was April and the weather was blistery and cold but My husband brought an ice chest with champagne and glasses. He brought the ring out and asked me to be his wife. He poured the champagne and we made a toast (with chattering teeth). Of course I excepted. How could I not as it was very romantic despite the cold. We both looked at each other and said "Are you cold?" we both muttered yes and quickly picked up the blankets and things and ran to the car. But-----Tim left the keys out on the sand. When the wind blows you can imagine what happens to the sand.. But someone was looking over him he walked right back to the same spot and there they were partially covered. Pretty Lucky,huh?

We still love the beach whenever we can go. Where we live now is more than an hour from the beach. We make a point to celebrate our anniversary every year by going somewhere near water. We have a true bond to water-it is very calming.

Poem: I Feel

What is it now that I feel
Can I be sure that it is real

A new touch and new kiss
It is one I could surely miss

Take a day at a time
I cannot assume it is all to be mine

It all seems so easy when you think it through
It feels so right and bright and new

The laughter and happiness I have sought so long
With all of this and more it cannot be wrong

I feel like a woman and totally a part
So much to give with all my heart

This is the door I'm looking for
To be me- to live- and much much more

1985

April 24, 2007 Life of Surprises

When I look back and then forward I really have had a interesting life. Although things were tough I am happy where I am today.
My ex-husband and I split up in 1985.

My husband now Tim was the son of my good friend Phylis.

Phylis and Bob were friends to me before the split and remained that way through all my problems. Tim was their son. He also came out of a bad relationship and they thought it would be nice if he and I got together to go out socially, I really think they never dreamed we would marry but a year later November 1986 we did.

We quickly became very close and had the same ideas. WE both are silly and just love spending time together. Tim had not had children and was 29 years old I was 35. WE talked about adopting but after a year Tim decided that my children were enough and someday we would have grandkids.
It was not easy as the kids had their own father but Tim wanted to be their friend. He would do anything even today for them.

I was not good at telling the kids what to do so he helped to stabalize me.
Now my mother-in-law Phylis brags she picked me as her daughter-in-law. Life is funny.

I thank God for Tim. He married me when I was round.

did not care what shape or size I was. He loves me.

He always compliments me and tells me I look beautiful.

I feel beautiful when he looks at me.

Poem: Loving Eyes

Thru Gods loving eyes I join with you
In this Holy Union as we say I do

The road will be hard to overcome
But with sincere devotion we will work as one

Never alone in everydays trials
Always to greet each other with a smile

Take my hand and walk with me
Thru lifes door of fantasy

With the pleasures of Love and Life
I now become your loving Wife

1986

growing up

I was sick for several days and I certainly could not concentrate. I'm Back!!!

Growing up as an only child for almost 7 years was fun. I was spoiled (still am). My Mom and Grandma always took me shopping and I was dressed up to the hilt. I was extremely mature and I think that is why I married so early. I loved school. I did very well and advanced ahead by taking summer school and such. When boys came into the scene I did not try as much. I hated gym. I have never been athletic and never will be. I did anything to get out of swimming. It is so degrading to have to walk around with a wet head from 1st period on through the day. I sang in chorus and my favorite subjects were History and English.

I was voted most talented in Junior High.
I had lots of boyfriends although I tied myself down too early. My Grandma always told me that I needed to marry a successful Latvian boy but I didn't. I remember grand times attending Latvian get togethers. I loved to dance and dance I did. With young and old I twirled around doing the polka and waltz. My family always had get togethers for every kind of holiday, birthday and aniversary.

All the relatives would come dressed up . We had dinner and drinks. Then the singing started, They sang all the old war songs and Latviam folk music. How I loved that. Well-they sang till morning,went home and then returned again. The celebrations were long but so happy. Sometimes it was emotional when they struck on the memory of the homeland and the hard times after the war and what they had. Tears fell.

Even through all that ; they had each other and everyday was a happy day. No one was ever left out. Much of the voices have fell silent now. I miss them all.

I went to beauty school at one point and worked a short time at that but due to the excessive moving-how do you know what state to keep your liscence in. I still love hair. When I was about 10 years old the big hair-dos came out. The higher the better. I remember in the 5th grade lining my girlfriends up on a log and teasing their hair with a tooth brush. The smaller the bristols the tighter the teasing. Then we piled on the hairspray. I permed my friends hair once and left the solution in too long and when it was time to rince the rods and hair fell off together. Mom was so mad. She took us both to the beauty shop and cut our hair. My friends hair was maybe 1/3 inches long after (ooops) It did not stop my creative self. It still works over time.

Poem:

Show (Analogy)

The world is like the Big Top colorful, big and round

Inside there are three circles- rings of life to be found

These rings they are endless with love and eternity

Just as our Lord has promised for you and for me

The trapeezes they go back and forth as trials of life remain

But the Master with all his love can make it better again

The people and the animals entertain with all their worth

For God is their leader of the "Greatest Show on Earth"

Enter in the clowns-deciples of days of old

Follow them to graciousness the story it is told

You ask the price of admission-well it is up to you

For you are saved by by faith alone and not by the things you do

Up strikes the music and our Savior appears

How pleased he is of what he sees and hears

So go and tell your neighbor- go out and give a hand

Come join the most beautiful show anywhere in the land
11/1/1990

APRIL 15, 2007 While I sit here

While I sit here thinking about what I will say. I think I should still continue to go from the past to present. I got married when I was 15 years of age . Did not have to and I think my parents should have locked me up. I spent better than half of my young married life in turmoil. Tears ran frequently. We were always short on money and my husband really did not know what love was. He was not given much of it in his youth so he had the curse passed on to him. He was very handsome as a young man but the temper he had was very unbecoming. We split up I think 3 times that I remember. Each time I was told he did not love me and never has. I was a little stupid and took him back. As the abuse became worse to me and more fiscal against my son especially; I became afraid to leave.

We went from things being thrown at me to a man that could stop spanking the kids.Verbally throwing language out there that was not appropriate. When the guns came into play I knew that when I could I would leave. Although I stayed much longer than I should have we continued to grow more and more apart. He finally had an affair. Maybe I pushed him to that but this became his idea and my way out. I momentarily was sad but the odd thing I survived and found out that I was still an attractive women and there are people that would appreciate my love and my children. My children were 13,16,17years of age when we split. I know it has been tough for the kids through relationships they have had but I believe they have grown into wonderful and exceptional parents.

I found a wonderful man my Tim. He stood beside me and went up and down with raising teens. We all know that is not easy. But he never once said he regreted it . He just said he loved me and loved my children. Here we are almost 22 years together now. He is my rock and my best friend.

I just have to say if anyone is being abused I can relate how you feel. Now looking back I lived in a bubble. I always made excuses for him. I did not know what to do. Looking back in I get sick thinking about it. I just hope my children now can understand that I was so young. I did not have the tools to work with that everyone today has. But I love them and no one can go backwards. Hopefully all of us have learned by these tragic circumstances and the impact this has made.


A little poem:

I Wonder

Yes I wonder sometimes about you
The things you like the things you do

But that is not our life you see
Theres no more you and no moe me

The pain it remains to remind my heart
The day you left and tore us apart

But I have survived and live a wonderful life
With someone who appreciates a loving wife

Grim reminders soon fade away
And love engulfs me forever to stay

Yes there are days that you pass my mind
But no more do I need to be treated unkind

Faces fade in times kind hands
No more word and no more demands

April 12, 2007 Its All About Me

Although I say that it is all about me ; I really do not feel that way. Sometimes I give too much of myself and get hurt. That is the sensitive side of my sign. I am a Cancer. I think it fits me well. I am loyal and I am home loving and thrive for family. I make my friends family as well. My parents were not as social as I am. No where does it say in a book that we all are made alike.

I have had some tough times too. Getting married at a young age, having my children and worry about money all the time. In my first marriage my husband was in and out of work alot. We did not have a lot of money. We lived with my parents when things were real low. It was a constant struggle. I remember calling and asking my folks to wire me some money. Understand that I was a young nice looking girl that was used to getting what I wanted and needed. Suddenly my life came to a halt. I was pushed down as a person and had to work. I worked hard. I worked in nursing homes, factories, burger joints. I cried many a mornings and did not want to go. My dad was always there to take me smile and cheer me up.

My first marriage was a toxic relationship. It was abusive and the children suffered the most. When you marry an individual who does not even know what he wants from life and has had issues of abuse in his life it was not easy. I managed 20 years of it. Do I blame him alone? No, as I should have not stayed no matter what he would have done. I have regrets but my children are my jewels. I will add more about this part of my life as I continue to remember where I have been and where I am going today. Literally I that God for what I have today


A little poem: Reflection

When things seem tough and more than you can bare
Release yourself and open up to prayer

Draw from him who gives you life
And off come the burdens of everyday strife

It is hard when you reach your lowest pit
But don't give up and never quit

You have your integrity and walk with pride
For no one can hold a candle to your kind

Let those who attack you with horrible spite
Let them answer to a higher source of what is just and what is right

April 11,2007 Time

Where has the time gone. I remember when I was just a little girl. Boy would I like having some of that back. I remember my folks Rita and Edgar worked very hard. My father got polio when he came to the United States in 1950 and he wore braces for a few years. My mom worked double shifts during that period and my father watched me. He controlled me with his cane. I remember a funny time when I was running away from him and he told me stop and come back or he would spank me (of course he never did)but I put my hands on my hips and I said" Ha Ha you can't catch me" He quickly pulled his belt off and his pants fell off. I laughed so hard. I think he laughed too but the visual still sticks in my mind.
I always have loved to sing. When I was a teenager I sang in a rock band. We did Friday night dances,Girls Clubs, Intermissions at roller rinks and teen night clubs. Of course my parents were against that as they had such a bad reputation but I can honestly say I had a blast and there was nothing bad happening. I was offered to record at one time but my boyfriend then and later my first husband gave me an ultimatum to pick him or singing and I of course gave up a dream. Advise to all NEVER GIVE UP A DREAM FOR ANYONE. I enjoyed my teen years, although I gave up alot when I married at 15 years of age. I did not have to but I felt if I didn't I would loose him. So my voice fell silent. How sad that I did not choose the correct path . But time does march on with or without you.

Here is a little poem:

Time is like the shore line sands
Stretching, reaching, and touching other lands

It can pass and it can go
And many times it is very slow

Time can mend a broken heart
Time is long when we are apart

Time is around us all
Time is summer, winter and fall

If you think about the crazy time
You will surely understand my rhyme

April 9,2007 -Introduction

Well- what do I say about myself. My name is Daina. I was born 7/13/50 in Tacoma, Washington. I am of Latvian decent. Both parents came over from Latvia in April of 1950. I was raised in Washington state. I attended Jefferson Elementary, Truman Junior High and Wilson High School.

I love to sing and I think that comes from a long line of performers in opera and stage. My mothers side of the family were all actors and or singers. They were multi talented and lived in the city. My fathers side of the family lived in the country and raised Arabian horses. They had large amounts of the land up until the war. But back to my love of music. I find it greatly stimulating and I truely can relate to the sounds. I love rock and roll, classical, new wave and well rounded selections from European singers. For relaxation I love to listen to Indian music ( the real pow wow stuff) The drums and flute are very enjoyable.

I am not afraid to get up and perform at all. I like when the spot light is on me. I love people ,my family , my friends and I love life.

I have great kids. They in turn have raised wonderful kids. My grandkids are the most special human beings. I am so proud. As I fill you in on my life,defeats and accomplishments I will also post pictures .

I love poetry so after I twist your mind with my jabber I will offer some of my poetry I have written over the years. My poetry reflects different times in my life. Happiness, saddness and deep rooted feelings. My daughters blog so I thought this was a great way to put myself out there and share.

This Poem is called:

The Waiting (February 13, 1993)

It has come to my attention that all we do is wait
It all seems very normal but is it really fate

You stand in lines forever just waiting for your turn
Do they really think that you only have time to burn

Our time is just as precious as the others standing here
Too bad they don't serve concessios or just a bottle of beer

Waiting is a game of who can get there first
But if they don't start moving I'll just blowup and burst

I'm Finally Blogging....

Hi everyone !! I finally made it to blogging. Yeah. I hope you enjoy my blog. I will have poetry,my lifes moments and other good stuff.Keep coming back.